Hat Trick

So today Will struck me with a hat trick. For those of you without kids I can tell you that by far the easiest thing that I have transitioned to is not caring about bodily fluids from my kid. I'm not saying that I would be okay with random kid Y walking up to me in the grocery store and throwing up on me but there's something oddly adorable when my own two week old son sneezes in my face.

I've never been a big fan of bodily ... stuff. The hair in the shower drain creeps me out. I insist on sneezing into my elbow to avoid hand to germ contact. I get weird about using the same bar of soap as my husband. So all of that being said one of my greatest fears about going home with my first child was that I would for some reason continue to be a freak about their bodily ... stuff.

Well, worry no more! I have successfully navigated what has to be, almost, the near full spread of bodily encounters. Let me tell you ... with a sense of humor and a kid that you think is the cutest thing on the planet ... it's not nearly as horrifying as I would have thought. In changing Will's diaper this morning he successfully sh*t while I was cleaning his thigh. While cleaning that "accident", he kindly decided he also had to be pee. But his mommy had gotten wise and already had the 2nd diaper on hand so I was able to control the stream. The mess was contained to his blanket and the changing pad (which is built for this kind of thing). But he wasn't done there. I looked at him while he was peeing and I laughed and I said "Mommy's gotten wise to you buddy but thanks for keeping me on my toes." and he looked back and me and said "Oh yeah ....." and promptly spit up. I didn't know it was possible for an adult to pee and vomit at the same time but less a 16 day old infant!!!!! Where the hell did he learn that!?!?! I was suddenly thrust into the position of either letting go of the diaper and letting pee fly at will around the room so that I can flip my son so he doesn't choke ... or letting him get everything out on his own and wait for him to finish peeing. I waited for him to finish and then gave him a few good pats on the back to make sure he was clear.

Then came the real problem ... How the hell do I clean this kid up while he's laying in his own urine and vomit!?! Your brain, when you become a mom, apparently opens up all these new avenues of thought that you'd never known existed. Including how to clean a squirming infant while only centimeters from their own excrement. I found myself incredibly pleased with skills by the time Will was dressed and warm again and laundry was in the washer.

Moral of the story ...

Your kids are capable of giving you the "yeah really??" look and then doing exactly what you don't want them to do when they are barely out of your womb.

You, as a parent, will let certain old hangups fall by wayside when you are dealing with your offspring.

You, as a person, will develop new neural pathways that open all kinds of doors for you without reading a book, a newspaper article or reading about something online. You gain skillz!!

Change diapers like your life depends on doing the task in seconds. LOL

Sorry this was a rather disgusting post but it was excitement of my day. Well, that and being able to walk to Starbucks with Pam and Will and having him not be a nuisance in the coffee house. Small successes! .